he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
