my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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