he puts the penis in happiness.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
