currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
