Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
4 words: hood of his car
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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