i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
