My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I need a beard to bite.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
