she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
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I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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