Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
