atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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