Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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