If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
