i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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