He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
