Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
