i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
