You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
