She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
