So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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