Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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