saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
