K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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