My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
