so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
