I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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