Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
