K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
