So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
