I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
