with your own penis?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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