Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
