i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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