she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
