On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
