the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Farmville is her only friend.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
