so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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