Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
