i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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