if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
