last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I need moral support for this bender
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
