Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
