Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
