Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize