Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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