he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
