I'm eating all of the evidence.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
