Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
