All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
