Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
