No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
