so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
