I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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