Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
