it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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