my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
