No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
wow bdsm is so cute
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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