Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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