giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
