its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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