is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
