How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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