I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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