ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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