He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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