New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
