She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
