Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
