ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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