hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
