tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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