My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
