He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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