Can Purell be used as lube?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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